‘I have no idea how you do all that you are doing…’
‘The load you’ve had to carry is incredibly overwhelming. It’s amazing the job you’ve done…’
In the last week these words from well-meaning sister friends blessed my soul. Hearts bent towards encouraging me, and definitely, I was touched by their kindness.
I also felt tears rising as they spoke, my sure sign of stress.
Life right now is a shaky balance of managing home, children, homeschooling and family life, ministry work at our church, and creating space for making basic things like sleep a priority.
The weekend found me reflecting on these upcoming changes.
Several times I had this gnawing feeling of being chased down by my ever-growing To Do List. Feelings of panic that I just won’t be able to meet all the demands or expectations.
It didn’t help I already felt way behind.
Mother’s Day dawned with undone chores — a kitchen and refrigerator to clean, groceries to purchase and a very full and busy week to plan ahead for. My goal had been to knock these things out before Sunday. Sigh.
The weekend also served up disagreements in parenting and marriage and overall irritation growing in my spirit. I had a hard time enjoying better parts of our weekend because of fear rising up inside.
I’m overwhelmed Lord, I am overwhelmed.
Yesterday as I wiped counters, straightened up rooms and tossed laundry into the washer (groceries ended up waiting until today), a message wormed its way into my thoughts:
You are not enough, Daniele. YOU are not enough.
What a personal battle these last few months.
Especially when I feel stressed, there’s a tendency to overly depended on myself to be the power source behind all of the tasks in front of me, for all of the people who need me.
I temporarily fall into believing that I am my own fuel. Oh sister, have you ever done the same? Isn’t it HARD?
The truth is this: I cannot do it all on my own. I can’t. Naturally, I know this and believe this. I really do.
Yet, it’s still my weakness, one of several areas of exposed tenderness in my rock solid shield of faith. Too often, I subtly turn within myself – looking for strength – instead of regularly asking for God’s help in the chaos.
Every time, it is a recipe for disaster.
Thankfully, last night as I shed tears of frustration over the weekend, the lover of my soul reminded me that He alone is my true and faithful source for what I need most.
He alone offers unending GRACE, like a river that never runs dry.
He alone can replace my tender fear of ‘not being or having enough’ for everything and everyone with something better —
It’s a new week.
As I move throughout my days and tackle the to do list, God is able to fill me with power and ability for all that feels too big and too much. What a gift, what a promise.
If your day dawns with chaos, feelings of helplessness or lost hope, with wondering just how and when and all of the above…
This is our hope — Our God is more than enough.