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God is in the waiting :: my story of not knowing what’s next

God is in the waiting :: my story of not knowing what’s next

 

 

September was absolutely WILD in the best & beautiful kind of way, catching me by surprise and throwing every plan to blog more out the window! A monthly update is next.

For today, we move to October & November’s theme: STORY. The email community receives the inside scoop — join us to learn more.

 

::

For five months after the kids and I left our home, I slept on a basement floor.

It was a carpeted room in a basement apartment, but the floor nonetheless.

My dear friend and her family anticipated our stay would last a few weeks. That’s what I had shared — maybe this space of time before returning home?

But we never could return.

Many, many times I lay on that basement floor wondering just what would happen next. Every part of me felt raw and tender, exhausted from the year’s experiences. My head believed God’s presence defined my darkness. He promised to never leave me — ever. 

By my heart felt utterly and completely overwhelmed.

We’re going to make it… I prayed and believed over and over again. I just knew it.

Come hell or high water.

Goodness, I probably shouldn’t have prayed that one. The chaos came and rose in severe amounts.

My healing journey took generous godly counseling/therapy, spiritual direction, prayer, faithful friends who listened and cried, a super sharp no-gimmicks no mud-slinging attorney, the kindness and accountability of several faith communities, and a God who never once let me walk alone.

And while I’m learning chaos does resurface, I did make it.

I made it to the other side of waiting.

pastoral care

I have been waiting for 1043 days…at least it feels like it.

1043 days ago I walked into what some call liminal space. (don’t bother looking that up in the dictionary. So not helpful).

I like this definition:

“Liminal comes from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold – any point or place of entering or beginning. A liminal space is the time between the ‘what was’ and the ‘next.’ It is a place of transition, waiting, not knowing.

Liminal space is where all transformation takes place, if we learn to wait and let it form us.”

That sounds all philosophical and even theological beauty until you actually have to LIVE it.

Don’t get me wrong — I believe God is in our liminal space. The place where we wait (and wait and wait) for him to show us what’s next.  Where the questions grow louder, the doubts stronger, and everything feels upside down.

Been there?  Still there?

We’re not alone: dozens of heroes of faith experienced the same.

God meets us in the waiting. Makes us more like him in all sorts of good ways. I truly believe it.

But friends, between time is HARD.

waiting on God

Our journey over the next several weeks includes sharing around ‘liminal space’ and what emerges when we stay and experience this tough place with God versus against him.

I’ll invite you to recall and ponder your own STORY(ies) — of fear, doubt, celebration, hope.

Of times when the in-between threatened to sink you but didn’t. Of how you found God in your story. These experiences are often messy, unabridged versions of our deepest needs on display.

That is okay too. It’s more than okay.

God is in the waiting friends — He really is. And if today finds you ‘living the liminal’, know I have prayed for us, asking for all grace and compassion. You are seen.

It’s true.

I’m not the same woman lying on that basement floor. She – in all her brokenness – is forever part of my story however.

I embrace this without shame, acknowledging how God shaped and molded her anew.

He can do this for anyone…

 

 

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  • Missy SmithOctober 15, 2019 - 2:07 pm

    Thank you for sharing your message & faith driven heart! 
    I’ve been in the space as well in different ways of our life. One form is the grieving process with losing multiple loved ones since 2014. Another is the family probate that was set in place in 2016. There’s more ways that we are waiting too. 
    But again, thank you. Your message holds so much reassuring truth about where God is during these periods in life. ♡ ReplyCancel

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Daniele Evans