Blog - Daniele Evans

the practice of attentive silence

Thursday, November 19, 2020

Years ago I wrote a series titled “the practice of….’.

I’ve been feeling a tug to bring these back. The posts focused on different topics like the practice of keeping house or of wide-open living.

Who knows how often these practice posts will show up here moving forward. My vision for writing more in 2020 shifted significantly. It was enough keeping our spirits above water and my work also grew in unexpected (yet welcome) ways.

But for today…

I offer thoughts around a necessary practice in our lives: SILENCE

What Attentive Silence is NOT

It’s really important to name this practice as a gift, something benefitting you and others.

The practice of keeping silence is not the same as the silent treatment. Why emphasize this point?

Because silence should never be a weapon.

Holding off words and offering yourself emotional, spiritual uncluttered space can be life-giving. But using silence to avoid conversation, as a response to anger or to treat another as though they don’t exist robs life out of a relationship.

The silent treatment is an act of superiority – an ‘I am better than you’ judgement.

I believe when we act this way, our best selves are left behind. Some other, uglier version takes over whether we realize it or not.

If you notice the silent treatment as a go-to in relationships, pause and consider why this is and what support is helpful to turn the habit around.

Attentive Silence at its Best

Certainly, some of us welcome silence — I am one of those people!

I thrive in connections with others, whether one-on-one or as a group. So much laughter, support, storytelling and sharing happens. Still…silence and solitude are my core needs.

Each of us, as introverted or extraverted as we may be, could benefit from pausing the noise around us for a time. Why?

Because in silence we notice things.

So many people commented to me how lockdown offered time to take a deeper look at their life. Over and over again, I heard similar stories. Life got more silent and things began to surface. {This doesn’t diminish extremely hard parts of the pandemic, just an observation}.

Attentive silence at its best is an opportunity for paying attention.

It’s an active, set apart time — a time for allowing the Spirit of God to surface our soul needs. To notice and perhaps take inventory; pause and welcome quietness as we would a dear friend.

In fact, it’s helpful for us to realize life can and will go on even when we take a break.

Practicing Silence

The goal here isn’t to forever rid yourself of all words, sounds and interruptions!

Remember, practicing silence is an opportunity for paying attention. Maybe you’re already aware of what needs focus — something to hold in prayer, to discern or consider, to offer thought. Maybe you’re at a complete loss.

Either way, begin small if this feels new. Choose a practice below which rings true for you now:

Set aside a 10 minutes or more for silence. Share why with anyone who needs to know. Simply offer yourself quiet — no spoken or written words, music, noise machines, etc. Yes, just sit (or walk, stand, stretch, etc) in silence!
Consider time in silence to ponder a situation needing your attention; try praying silently or journaling thoughts without other sounds present.
Try combining silent time with a necessary activity: yard work, laundry, cooking, etc.
If you are familiar with practicing silence, try extending your time — create space for a silent retreat of sorts.

Notice how you respond: do you resist or welcome these practices? What emotions rose up?

For a period of two years I attended a quarterly group retreat for three days at a time. From 8pm one evening until 8am the next morning, the entire group practiced silence. We did it again between noon and 4pm another day.

Our whole community paused words and sounds for the purposing of paying attention — to see what arose in the silence.

So hear me when I say… silence may not be comfortable, but it can be a powerful spiritual tool God can use to awaken our soul!

How do you practice silence? What support might you need?

2 comments

Jane Webb

Your email came to me almost a month ago and today I have time to read it. I was in the mist of moving out of our home of 22 years when it came. I was busy sorting, selling giving away, packing, saying good-bye, etc. How I longed for silence and thankfully I now have it. It is indeed a gift. I hope to make time daily to record and process many emotions. I look forward to what God will show me. Thank you for your encouraging words. Jane Webb ReplyCancel
- Daniele
  
  You are welcome Jane…. thank you for sharing of your own journey. ~ DanieleReplyCancel

why pay for spiritual care?

Wednesday, September 9, 2020

{Thank you so much for the prayers, messages, words of hope and comfort as I shared the tragic loss of a friend of my children. Continued prayers are welcome}.

: :

Last week I mentioned celebrating my first year of business, feeling as though it was successful.

I received a question around why people pay for spiritual care, and thoughts about what success might mean to me. These questions came with curiosity and kindness. It also seemed a helpful topic to share here.

My short answer as to why someone might choose to seek and pay for spiritual care:

I believe it’s because they want to. More on this later.

Looking back, I named last year as successful primarily because I stepped out in faith and did what I felt invited by God to do!

Long before the rapid move to online platforms for teaching and leading, it seemed the right thing for me. I feel grateful for the call, SO amazed at God, and grateful for the response of others.

Success often equals $$$, right?

But this feels different for me.

Yes, there were startup costs for many, many details; there are ongoing training and schooling costs. The balance of income and expenses is present, tipping back and forth, or sometimes only one direction, as normal for a startup.

So when I use the word success to celebrate this ministry-business (yes, I believe it’s both) – my definition wholeheartedly includes this:

God and I partnered together. We both showed up and accomplished the thing!

Yes @theJennyPace, I agree!

I sat a bit longer with the question of paying for spiritual care.

First, I strongly affirm connection to a local group of Christ-followers. Our churches can and should be places of accountability, support, connection — where we receive and offer these with care.

As an additional layer, close friends might serve as spiritual mentors, a small group as space to share.

But some seasons might require something different.

When to pursue and perhaps pay for spiritual care?

I offer this question: how much attention does your situation or journey need?

I don’t mean in a self-absorbed, forget-about-the-world-and-church way.

I’m talking about times where you really desire support in paying attention to parts of your story. Where having someone 100% focused on doing this work with you feels important — needful.

Your local community or church staff may be helpful. Begin there!

That said, many I’ve worked with are those who:

had no access to support. I partnered a short time with an agency who sought one-on-one spiritual care for mission workers. These individuals were basically on their own establishing churches and ministries.
want someone outside their area. I connect often with ministry leaders needing to process in separate spaces from those they serve.
are new to an area and do not yet have a local church. Especially during this pandemic, I worked with some who transitioned and felt stuck in connecting: churches were closed.

Dozens of reasons exist as to why someone might pay for intentional spiritual care.

I still feel the #1 reason lies in that they want to — and this is reason enough.

If your community has paid staff or trained volunteers regularly available to support your journey, count your blessings. Some churches have licensed counselors, Stephen Ministers, spiritual directors, available pastoral staff, a mentoring program or more.

Receive this as a gift, understanding not everyone lives with this privilege.

And… if you need a nudge to better support yourself, may this post be part of the push!

0 comments

harvest the good, sisters

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

Doesn’t matter to me how cliche it sounds by now…

…what a year 2020. What a year.

Yet somewhere around June I made up my mind (and heart): 2020 is not over or canceled. Shutting down and waiting until 2021 seems like an unhealthy plan for me to make. What guarantees do I have for next year?

2020 absolutely feels hard.

I hold concerns for friends and family near and far. Legal processes I’ve mentioned before are present once again. This summer some of my children experienced blatant racism in the form of name-calling and negative comments.

While I am steadied by my faith, it feels foolish to pretend these situations are not happening.

family beach time, July 2020

And still, I’m harvesting the good. The ways God meets me, surprises me, provides, protects and shows me again and again this truth: He is faithful and I can count on him.

So today I practice a bit of gratitude journaling and encourage you to consider the same.

Harvest the good, sisters. Look for it!

Yes, you and I may need to look hard and deep. Let’s keep gazing until it appears.

Harvesting the good in my summer includes:

Celebrating my first year of business and my first online course launch — both successful in my book!

When I opened this website last summer, my hopes and plans felt b-i-g. Those adjusted as the pandemic defined life choices. Sometimes, I lost my way and my voice…not quite knowing what to say in light of issues all around.

But as I recently closed doors on round one of the Write Your Self course, deep gratitude filled my heart. Five weeks with these women reminded me of just why I started.

I am reminded to courageously carry on.

Harvesting the good showed up in literal, practical ways — FOOD.

Preserving extra this summer made sense: it makes me crazy happy, I’ve never enjoyed winter shopping (the less to do the better), and canceled plans offered time.

Plus, living among farms sometimes means gleaning or receiving leftovers at rock-bottom prices! If you knew me in past blogging days, you know I love a good deal.

Time in the kitchen serves to ground me. This summer was no different.

Harvesting the good also included…

…noticing and naming an important shift.

This summer I grew less and less okay keeping silence on my experiences, opinions and thoughts about being a Black woman and mother in these United States.

No one particular event shifted things. I feel it’s perhaps a natural result of personal transformation; naming what I am no longer okay doing, saying, keeping silence on.

For sure, I am invited more to amplify voices of women struggling in emotional and verbal domestic violence, post separation abuse, and spiritually-destructive environments.

Yet I noticed a nudge this summer to show up differently around racial topics.

This came as uneasy and complicated at times. Several experiences felt as though the other person and I spoke two different languages! I want to keep responding to those inner nudges though.

I name this as good.

And your harvest from summer 2020?

Both our tough realities and life-giving experiences can find room at the same table. We don’t have to choose one over the other when each needs space to be.

I wonder what you notice as good around you right now. What feels hopeful, different for the better, sweet, rich or a gift?

Feel free to comment or send me a message naming your harvest!

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Invitation to a story

Thursday, July 2, 2020

Six years ago today…

It was mid-morning, and I had just run my daughters to Bible study.

The boys were underfoot, as usual wanting something to eat. I remember feeling full with to-dos for the day, managing details of an upcoming vacation, in general just bustling around.

The phone rang.

I asked my eight-year old to answer. As I overheard his struggle to ‘please take a message’, we exchanged tasks. I took the call, he took his brother to find a snack.

Hello?

It was our house landline, not my cell. I wondered just who and what lay ahead, and if I should have released the whole thing to voicemail. I typically did.

Daniele? It’s Jed.

I paused. Jed from church?

In 2014 we were the pastor’s family, for over eleven years at the time. Church-related calls to our home was nothing out of the ordinary. As I listened to this young adult share his story… I felt my mind attempting sequential sense.

His dad. Something happened. CPR. Paramedics. Please pray.

And my information-gathering and calming effort: Your Mom? Which hospital? Yes, I’ll pray. Yes, I’ll tell Pastor. But it was the beginning of things turned terribly upside down. Calm felt far, far out of reach.

In a short space of time, I entered a woman’s story of pain and loss.

Maybe the better way to say it is I was invited into her family’s story.

In the hospital room, in her home, planning the funeral, attending basic needs… then and for years to come, the invitation came again and again to listen, to weep with, to hold silence, to love, to make space for distress.

Over those pastoral years, similar invitations followed numerous other difficult and trying experiences for the women in my community…

….so many hopes deferred. Multiple hopes lost.

This week as I opened doors for reflecting on our stories, I thought of this day six years ago, the woman and women I journeyed with in that life season, the ones I walk with now.

And I wondered how we invite others into our stories. Or not.

Sometimes it feels simpler to shut our heart doors, allowing no one in and nothing out. Yep, it’s often easier and even quite manageable — at first.

Eventually this protective measure wears thin, as in really thin, and doesn’t serve us well.

We are created for holy connection, sacred interdependence.

I am much more aware of the need to practice the presence of people: to invite close friends into the sometimes messy chapters of my story… and welcome invitations for light-hearted fun too.

So in this spirit I encourage you today.

Crack the door open a little wider, a little broader. Okay, maybe a lot wider! Respond YES to a connection invitation and/or intentionally invite another into your journey.

I know it’s a risk. And…I hope it goes well.

Grace to you.

2 comments

Mary LIz Youtz

Thanks for sharing this story Daniele. It has been with grace that you have walked with this woman and her family! You do that naturally. Thank you for being you! ReplyCancel
- Daniele Evans
  
  Appreciate your thoughts Mary Liz! ❤️
  ReplyCancel

ten things I’m loving right now

Thursday, April 30, 2020

A simple list of ten things bringing me JOY!

a reminder above my desk :: and an obviously dirty window to clean (ha!). Sometimes I literally pause and take a deep breath when I see this little sign.

early morning bird songs :: I seem to be a morning person about 3/4 of the year. I’ve noticed this pattern more recently and winter accounts for the one-quarter time of happily sleeping in. Right now I’m completely loving the sound of birds even before sunrise; a calming start to the day.

my self-care practice with the news :: I grew up without television and the practice stuck into adulthood. Normally, I rarely engage the news… I’m sensitive to much of it. Plus, my life holds enough family members and friends who inform me of ‘big’ stuff.

But we’re not living in normal times are we?

Weeks ago I decided to read a few news outlets once a day. I scan different websites and catch up mostly on the pandemic-related information. I also choose to watch our Governor’s news briefs, about once or twice a week.

Some international news feels a bit harder to come by, but connections in the Dominican Republic and Haiti keep me informed (especially of stories which probably wouldn’t be highlighted anyway).

Exercising choice in an emotionally-sustainable way!

extra time in the kitchen :: I cannot tell you how many egg rolls my youngest and I made in the last month — it’s his new favorite thing. So fun. I’ve also taken time to use my grain mill, trying different flours for pizza crust and bread. We even made candles for Easter! Appreciating time to do things outside the norm.

encouraging snail mail :: this week I received a handwritten card from a sister-friend I haven’t seen in some time. She came across notes from a teaching I offered at church years ago. The card shared how the experience impacted her, and thoughts of our relationship now and then. Such a gift.

And a tender (yet sweet) throwback to a huge chunk of my adult life leading, shepherding, loving and being led and loved by my previous church community. Goodness, I’ve missed them. I’ve missed seeing my sister-friend on a weekly basis. Feeling grateful for her note.

outdoor time as a family :: except for the rainy days, we ride bikes and take walks regularly in our neighborhood or to explore a new park or trail. Helpful for body and soul.

all the blooms on all the trees :: need I say more? This magnolia tree is my favorite backyard bloom each year.

opportunity for online learning :: I’m often engaged in some course or workshop – a total Enneagram 5 here! Right now I’m working through The Allender Center’s Story Sage series and gaining so much personally and most of all professionally as I support others. So, so good.

books and stories :: finished Educated (beautiful and brutal) and also regularly listening with my kids to their favorite pastime and childhood audio series. Currently reading Spiritual Conversations with Children and trying to choose a new FICTION book. 😉

your feedback around writing and journaling :: thank you for the responses to my last post! I received some helpful insight and encouragement for next steps. Appreciate your thoughts.

: :

And you — what are you enjoying these days?

0 comments

a time to write :: plus a question for you!

Thursday, April 16, 2020

Several weeks ago, I read a few of my high school journals & diaries to my kids.

After a tiring (but fun) musical rehearsal day, an open Saturday evening found us all a tad bored. We needed something different and new.

The NEW thing I decided, would be looking through Mom’s high school yearbooks. The kids would totally get a kick out of the adventure!

We never got to the yearbooks. The journals came first.

And the rest is history folks.

We literally laughed until we cried.

As I read snippets of thought, stories upon stories poured out. The times my sisters made me so, so, SO mad. That hard test in Biology I completely bombed. My all-girl Catholic school experiences. The violin competitions I won. What I thought at the time of myself, church friends, school friends, and family.

I felt like an archeologist digging and uncovering my past life.

“Mom, sometimes you sounded just like you do now!!” one child commented as they wiped tears from their eyes. The others nodded in agreement.

Funny. 😉

Since those days I’ve catalogued dozens of journals.

Some I lost transitioning homes — not sure who took them (or why anyone wants them), but those words never found their way back to me.

I’ve always found writing a healing tool, a way to work out kinks of heart and mind. Sometimes I write buckets; other times my soul well runs dry.

It’s no secret writing holds a therapeutic effect. Research clearly supports getting thoughts OUT of our bodies.

Alongside this….

I encourage journaling for the sake of keeping a record. For your future self to recall the days, the thoughts, the memories. The growth, the transitions, the turns your life took.

Yes, I understand sometimes looking back is painful, perhaps not even helpful. But often in the present moment – shifting our thoughts from inside to outside is a really supportive tool.

Taking Time to Write

If you’re thinking leather journals, odd stacks of notebooks and a drawer full of pens as necessary for personal, reflective writing…

…you might just be imagining my desk! I highly encourage paper and pen, but honestly?

Use what works, such as a note-taking app on your phone or a document on your computer. The goal is capture thoughts and take time to write:

happenings of the day (or week/month)
a gratitude list
remember a special time or experience
complete a journal prompt
rewrite someone else’s words (quotes, Scripture, etc)
describe a current challenge
celebrate a WIN
write prayers or letters to God
journal creative ideas or a bucket list
note responses to current events
combine writing with ART – coloring, painting, collage, photography

and SO MUCH more!

Journaling doesn’t have to be complicated, and I work to simplify the process for those struggling to get started.

Would you be interested in support for the writing process?

I sometimes get emails asking about this.

My next launch centers on helping women write their personal stories, BUT…

…I’m wondering about other community projects.

Maybe a set of days where we journal together around a topic or prompt, videos about my process and suggestions for yours — or something else? I can run with ideas, but only if readers find it helpful. Maybe it’s time to write as a community.

I would appreciate hearing YOUR thoughts! Feel free to email or message me.

Until then, maybe take out those high school yearbooks and journals for a flip-through. 😉

2 comments

Katie

Great idea!!! Keep me posted!ReplyCancel
- Daniele Evans
  
  Will do!ReplyCancel

a peek into my month + how goes 2020?

Friday, February 7, 2020

Happy (very belated) New Year, friends!

Seeing it’s my first post of the new decade, I thought a life update might be good. Like before, just a peek into my days as I experience them.

But first, how does this year feel so far for you?

Around me and on social media I hear varying reports. Some feel the season explodes with fresh energy, new ideas and overall 2020 will be a BIG year.

Others felt January moved s-l-o-w-l-y.

I land somewhere in the middle. You?

Whether your days felt energetic or less than, I encourage considering practices from the Danish concept of Hygge (pronounced hyoo-guh). It is where I’ve invested most of January.

The winter season offers a slower pace if we allow.

So include space for activities pictured above as part of your self-care — do it without feeling guilty! Nourish your soul in the ways most needed.

In January I intentionally set aside certain to-do lists and soaked up deep winter’s quiet and slow mood.

Family life still included the fullness we chose…yet, I attempted a less rushed approach as much as possible.

A Peek into My Month

I purchased a NEW planner to track intentions and goals this year: the Makse Life Planner. I love it so, so much for organizing my thoughts! More on this later.

One personal goal is to read ten fiction books in 2020.

While this may sound wimpy, I rarely read fiction (maybe 1-2 a year).

So I feel GREAT about reading one fiction book already in 2020: Where the Forest Meets the Stars by Glendy Vanderah. I give it 3-4 stars… liked it well enough.

Non-fiction books I’m reading:

Healing From Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas – came recommended to me and a helpful guide.
Educated: A Memoir by Tara Westover – I teach a high school English class at our homeschool co-op; reading & considering this one for the group.
Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others by Laura Lipsky

I offer spiritual care to those working within difficult situations or with others’ trauma: prison ministry, post-abortive care ministry, church leadership and others. This book sheds light as I support them — very helpful!

Speaking of offering spiritual care…

In January I reached capacity for one-on-one clients. My hope for a certain number in a year’s time happened in four months. #thankyouGod

Another 2020 goal for me includes investing in relationships…saying YES often to opportunities for connection with family and friends.

So last month I attended two retreats: one to teach and share, one with homeschooling Moms I’ve met in the last two years.

Both incredibly life-giving.

Family life includes the normal bustle of homeschooling — it’s also theatre show season for the kids. Rehearsals, rehearsals, rehearsals!

: :

How was your 2020 start?

0 comments

the value in telling our stories

Thursday, November 21, 2019

Remember my September story?

How I felt God surprised me with opportunities to companion others’ journeys — more than I anticipated?

Friends, this beautiful surprise continued into the past month!

This wave of goodness caused me to step back and reexamine ALL. THE. THINGS (okay, not really, but almost). Thinking through next steps in offering services was my focus.

Sometimes a crisis makes us stop and reconsider next steps.

And sometimes, it’s the other way around!

The last several weeks I explored various Christian ministries and organizations supporting the stories of women :: particularly women encountering harm within their homes and churches.

Part of my calling and writing centers on bringing awareness and hope to these topics.

As I learned from people much further on the journey…

…as I made connections and outlined partnership possibilities,

my heart felt incredibly encouraged.

The evils of domestic, relational and spiritual abuse seem more rampant within our culture. The impact is harmful and often ignored; perhaps because we believe it couldn’t actually happen in our community circles or we are simply unaware.

The need for change feels large. Yet still, I see God’s handiwork.

He is redeeming the hurt.

Transforming stories of harm.

Restoring hope lost.

Equipping open-hearted spiritual leaders and raising up voices.

While my work sometimes feels stretching, tender or difficult, it also moves me towards God’s promise:

When we allow it, he turns our story ashes into something beautiful.

Yes and amen.

Value in Telling Our Stories

I’ll share of these organizations later and then offer more detail on my other website.

For today, I remind us of this:

God invites us to share our stories.

Throughout Scripture we find a God retelling and recounting his story and that of his people; both beautifully woven into one.

The many God-ordained celebrations of the Old Testament speak of One who welcomes his people to ‘remember, remember!’ the story of their journey** — and then to tell others.

The key word here? Invitation.

As we consider sharing our stories (or asking others to share), let us check:

Are you responding to a holy invitation or a human expectation?

** I recognize certain stories may be best remembered in private, individualized environments such as counseling or therapy.

Storytelling Ingredients

From experience and a general understanding, it seems we need a few things for successful storytelling:

A desire to share

No one can decide for you how and when, which parts or in which order your storytelling should unfold. We should never pressure anyone to reveal more than they desire.

I’ve led or taught all kinds of small and large groups through the years…and can relate to sticky situations when ‘over-sharing’ happens. Definitely, it takes compassion and skill to work through those!

I also reflect and notice where my past actions could be interpreted as putting pressure; and sometimes I didn’t even notice.

Let’s tread carefully here, friends.

Vulnerability

Sharing our stories includes a level of exposure.

Deciding to entrust parts of our journey to a person or group means we release certain outcomes. We cannot control how our story is received!

You can make every effort to be conservative and cautious, honoring and humble.

Check your heart motivations a dozen times. Receive counsel on how to share, when and if you should.

All this — and someone (or many!) may still be offended, angry, think you are over-sharing or focused on self, and a host of other responses.

Does it matter?

Yes and no. More on this in another post!

A safe community

Scripture holds multiple psalms, laments, and prayers of individuals pouring out stories of loss, pain, celebration and praise to God alone.

I believe this a valuable pattern! Writing or journaling for an audience of one also benefits us.

When an invitation arises to share in other relationship circles…

…we need a safe community.

One willing to lovingly bear witness to our story, whether we know them well or not. Choose your company and community with care.

In return, offer safety and this same care to stories you choose to hold.

:: ::

I’ve appreciated hearing your stories over the last several months — thank you for sharing!

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a peek into my month :: September 2019

Thursday, October 17, 2019

Yes, it’s mid-October.

And yes, I am only now offering the September update!

In my last post, I shared how September felt WILD in the best and beautiful kind of way. How the month caught me by surprise.

More details later in this post, but first a few family updates. Things I actually planned in September…

Our 16th year (or maybe 17th…I lost count) of homeschooling started last month.

This year I have a high school junior, 8th grader and 4th grader — ages 10, 13, and 16.

Two play fall sports, so the calendar reflected many, many practices and games well into October. The high schooler also works a part-time job.

It’s the busy we choose, so I am okay with it.

Depending on how football playoffs go, we rest for about two months until musical theatre rehearsals begin for all three!

I completed my first graduate course!

Often I’m asked my study path or goals…and there is no agenda right now. I simply love to learn and everything aligned to take this particular course.

The topic of trauma and trauma healing is certainly a heavier one.

I’ve gained so many insights to chew on and consider!

These inform how I approach spiritual and emotional care for myself, my family and in working with others. Good stuff.

In between the busy, I took time for extra cooking last month.

You know, beyond just feeding everyone.

We whipped up homemade pretzels, canned applesauce and apple pie filling, enjoyed plenty desserts from said apples, and I canned grape juice for the first time.

Thanks to a friend for the Concord grapes and use of her steam juicer. (Unsure if this is the exact one pictured here).

I often process mentally and emotionally through a creative project: cooking, paper crafts or journaling, decluttering.

And with what happened business-wise in September, it’s no wonder I took on extra cooking!

Back in May I shared my vision and hope for working from home — to use in fresh ways skills cultivated over 20 years in church ministry.

In July I quietly launched this website.

While I informed a few communities, it definitely felt a slow, soft launch. Nothing flashy or fancy.

I’m a one-person business with a goal of not burning myself out.

In September?

I can only say God had other ideas than a slow start!

I received email after email from those seeking spiritual support and care.

After briefly meeting together and discerning next steps, many became regular clients.

I responded yes to offering spiritual direction at a medical and health conference. We called it a ‘listening room’ and created safe space for processing. Those interested included young adults, support group leaders and several couples.

I responded yes to two future speaking engagements.

ALLthis happened in the space of about three weeks — completely taking me by surprise! Applying general business sense, I anticipated much more time.

But God friends. But God.

So that was September — at least a peek! A wonderfully wild month…

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God is in the waiting :: my story of not knowing what’s next

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

September was absolutely WILD in the best & beautiful kind of way, catching me by surprise and throwing every plan to blog more out the window! A monthly update is next.

For today, we move to October & November’s theme: STORY. The email community receives the inside scoop — join us to learn more.

For five months after the kids and I left our home, I slept on a basement floor.

It was a carpeted room in a basement apartment, but the floor nonetheless.

My dear friend and her family anticipated our stay would last a few weeks. That’s what I had shared — maybe this space of time before returning home?

But we never could return.

Many, many times I lay on that basement floor wondering just what would happen next. Every part of me felt raw and tender, exhausted from the year’s experiences. My head believed God’s presence defined my darkness. He promised to never leave me — ever.

By my heart felt utterly and completely overwhelmed.

We’re going to make it… I prayed and believed over and over again. I just knew it.

Come hell or high water.

Goodness, I probably shouldn’t have prayed that one. The chaos came and rose in severe amounts.

My healing journey took generous godly counseling/therapy, spiritual direction, prayer, faithful friends who listened and cried, a super sharp no-gimmicks no mud-slinging attorney, the kindness and accountability of several faith communities, and a God who never once let me walk alone.

And while I’m learning chaos does resurface, I did make it.

I made it to the other side of waiting.

I have been waiting for 1043 days…at least it feels like it.

1043 days ago I walked into what some call liminal space. (don’t bother looking that up in the dictionary. So not helpful).

I like this definition:

“Liminal comes from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold – any point or place of entering or beginning. A liminal space is the time between the ‘what was’ and the ‘next.’ It is a place of transition, waiting, not knowing.

Liminal space is where all transformation takes place, if we learn to wait and let it form us.”

That sounds all philosophical and even theological beauty until you actually have to LIVE it.

Don’t get me wrong — I believe God is in our liminal space. The place where we wait (and wait and wait) for him to show us what’s next. Where the questions grow louder, the doubts stronger, and everything feels upside down.

Been there? Still there?

We’re not alone: dozens of heroes of faith experienced the same.

God meets us in the waiting. Makes us more like him in all sorts of good ways. I truly believe it.

But friends, between time is HARD.

Our journey over the next several weeks includes sharing around ‘liminal space’ and what emerges when we stay and experience this tough place with God versus against him.

I’ll invite you to recall and ponder your own STORY(ies) — of fear, doubt, celebration, hope.

Of times when the in-between threatened to sink you but didn’t. Of how you found God in your story. These experiences are often messy, unabridged versions of our deepest needs on display.

That is okay too. It’s more than okay.

God is in the waiting friends — He really is. And if today finds you ‘living the liminal’, know I have prayed for us, asking for all grace and compassion. You are seen.

It’s true.

I’m not the same woman lying on that basement floor. She – in all her brokenness – is forever part of my story however.

I embrace this without shame, acknowledging how God shaped and molded her anew.

He can do this for anyone…

1 comment

Missy Smith

Thank you for sharing your message & faith driven heart!
I’ve been in the space as well in different ways of our life. One form is the grieving process with losing multiple loved ones since 2014. Another is the family probate that was set in place in 2016. There’s more ways that we are waiting too.
But again, thank you. Your message holds so much reassuring truth about where God is during these periods in life. ♡ ReplyCancel